She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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