Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
