wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
