Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
