just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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