May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
