If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
birth control should be required to get into college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So much Jack, so little girl.
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