had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He passed out mid-signature
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
