three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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