it hurts more in the daytime
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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