last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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