im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
