Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
