Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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