I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
