you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
