Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
