My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize