Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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