There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
