I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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