If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
