We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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