I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
