hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
