I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
