she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
smell my finger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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