it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
