I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize