I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
