You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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