Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
