So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
