conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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