I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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