Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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