i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Non-Jews are for practice
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
