So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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