we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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