Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
