I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
