im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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