Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
