So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
