Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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