I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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