Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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