Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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