so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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