Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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