I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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