why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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