Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
