I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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