Acid is not a monday night drug
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
