people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
