It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
