whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
