fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
