is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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