I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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