I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
