I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
