Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
