If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
