is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
